


never a captain, always the hero

by luadorr



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Canon Compliant, Captain America Sam Wilson, Established Relationship, Hurt Sam Wilson, M/M, POV Sam Wilson, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon, Post-Endgame, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson Feels, sam as cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 10:54:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19149592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luadorr/pseuds/luadorr
Summary: when steve left, bucky thought he had no one, but then he realised he had sam, and sam had him, and it just worked. it felt so right, so pure and honest and true.bucky knows right now that if sam gets through this, he's gonna need bucky even more. and he's okay with that, he's prepared to make sacrifices for sam, to make sacrifices for love, because that's what you do.





	never a captain, always the hero

**Author's Note:**

> thanks @robertonyjr on twitter for helping me come up with a title!  
> this is like,  
> really sad.  
> sorry?

 

never a captain, always the hero

 

sam doesn't realise how badly he's hurt until his chest tightens and he falls to the ground with a loud crash. he still has three more hydra agents to take down, but right now even walking seems like the hardest thing in the world.

he wishes now more than ever that he brought backup, but he had insisted to fury and maria that he was fine, he didn't need help, he was so used to the job by now that it was easy for him. well, that turned out to be a whole load of bullshit. 

sam looks around for the shield, for **his** shield, but every movement sends pain shooting through his whole body. its only now that he notices how much he's bleeding.

its coming from everywhere, his left leg, his right arm, his stomach, his head. hell, he's effectively sat in a puddle of it. all hope leaves him as sam realises he's going to bleed out if he doesn't get up off his ass soon, but his legs feel like jelly and the whole room is spinning.

 _great_ , he thinks, _he's let everyone down again_. "cap, is everything alright in there? you haven't moved in ten minutes," maria's voice sounds through the earpiece sam forgot was there. the man cringes at the nickname, cap. he knows he's no steve rogers, and right now he's never felt less worthy of taking steve's place. "i just, i need- help me," sam whimpers, and then proceeds to pass out from the pain. 

 

***

 

sam wakes up in a dark room, and his first thought is that he's been kidnapped by hydra. he lets out a small sob, realising he can't open his eyes. he composes himself and begins trying to think of things to distract himself.

he thinks of bucky, sat at home, oblivious to the fact that something is terribly, terribly wrong. he thinks of bucky with his long brown hair and his crystal blue eyes. he thinks of bucky's husky morning voice, the way bucky's skin feels against his in the shower, how bucky holds him when he cries. the idea of never seeing all that again terrifies sam even more. he's whimpering now, wanting to curl up in a ball but feeling too weak to physically move a muscle.

and then a light is turned on and the blackness of sam's eyelids gets a little lighter and footsteps walk towards him. he begins trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever torture he's about to endure. but then he feels a hand on his wrist, fingers wrapping themselves around his arm, and the mystery person lets out a small, shaky breath. 

"hey, loser." bucky. bucky barnes, **his** bucky, is stood beside him. "fury flew me out here as soon as he could, i'm sorry its been a few days," the man explains, not sure if sam can even hear him.sam wants to reach out and comfort his boyfriend, to pull him into a tight hug and tell him he's okay, but instead all he can do is lay there and listen.

"they're gonna move you to a hospital closer to home, but they're waiting until you're more, well, i guess they think you won't make the journey," bucky is crying now, though he's trying desperately to hide it. "you're a fucking idiot, you know that? going in there alone," it comes out angrier than bucky intends, and he stops talking to prevent himself from yelling.

bucky throws himself down into the seat beside the bed, gently taking sam's bruised, scabby hand into his own. he presses soft kisses against the bumpy skin, then laces their fingers together and sighs. bucky guesses this will be his life for the foreseeable future, spending every moment sat by sam's bedside, waiting for any sign of life from his dumb, stupidly heroic boyfriend.

 

***

over the next few weeks, sam's condition varies greatly from day to day. some days, bucky thinks he's going to wake up, and others, he gets ready to lose him for good. 

the extend of sam's injuries are as follows: a dislocated shoulder which won't go back into place no matter how hard doctors try; broken ribs, 7 to be exact; torn ligaments and muscles in all four of his limbs, the worst being his left leg; deep gashes all over his body which doctors had to regularly clean to avoid infection; a head injury caused by the man's collision with the floor upon collapse; a spinal injury which doctors suspect has led to paraplegia.

in other words, sam is screwed even if he survives. bucky knows sam will definitely be left with physical and psychological effects in the years to come. bucky isn't mad at sam, but at the same time he's furious. the man's thrown his life away, and for what? to prove himself to people who don't even matter?

but its deeper than that, and bucky knows it. the racist taunts from kids sam has to face even walking down the street, the press constantly comparing him to steve, their friends constantly comparing him to steve, the world constantly comparing him to steve. even bucky finds himself doing it sometimes, and that's something he hates himself for. to be compared to your best friend, expected to be like him, a super soldier, when you're just a regular man, god, it must be humiliating.

sam doesn't just want to prove himself for his own pride, he feels like he **has** to prove himself to the world. bucky has seen firsthand how much the pressure gets to sam. he's seen the man stare at the shield for hours on end, with that loathing glaze in his eyes. he's sat with him through late night panic attacks, held him while he cried.

when steve left, bucky thought he had no one, but then he realised he had sam, and sam had him, and it just worked. it felt so right, so pure and honest and true. bucky knows right now that if sam gets through this, he's gonna need bucky even more. and he's okay with that, he's prepared to make sacrifices for sam, to make sacrifices for love, because that's what you do.

 

***

 

when sam wakes up, bucky panics. seeing those chocolate brown eyes again for the first time in, how long has it been? a month? it does things to bucky. he instantly softens his expression, scoots his chair impossibly closer to the bed, and takes hold of his boyfriend's hand. “hey sammy, how you feeling?" he asks gently, forcing back tears. he can't be weak, not right now, not when sam needs him.

sam isn't as strong, and quickly finds himself crying as he shakily reaches out his free hand to touch bucky's face. bucky smiles gently at him, a smile that says a million things all at once, all which translate to "i love you." sam tries to move his legs, tries to bend his knees, to even feel his legs at all, to no prevail. he sighs, feeling so completely and utterly defeated.

bucky notices this. "hey," he says in a voice so comforting, it sends a shiver through sam's body, "we're gonna be okay, we can work through this." sam forces himself to nod, but in reality, he knows how much of a burden he is on bucky. bucky, who's been through hell himself. bucky, who deserves a fucking break for once in his life. james buchanan barnes, who drops everything the minute sam wilson needs him.

"buck?" sam's voice is so small, so incredibly small and distant, and it makes bucky's heart ache. "yes, my love?" the latter replies gently, almost matching his boyfriend's tone. "i wanna go home," sam manages to whimper out. bucky nods slowly, forcing another smile as he strokes sam's cheek with the back of his hand.

_"okay, sammy. we can go home."_

 

***

 

being bound to a wheelchair is not something sam wilson ever expected to happen to him, but here he is now, being wheeled up the newly built ramp onto the porch of his home. bucky is spewing nonsense at him, and sam would be lying if he said he was listening. bucky hasn't stopped talking since sam got out of the hospital this morning.

sam guesses its because bucky is afraid of awkward silence. he wants sam to be comfortable, to feel like everything is normal, but both men know its just not true. everything will be different now, and that's what's scaring sam the most. bucky won't treat him the same, their friends won't treat him the same, and so much for the next captain america. maybe if tony stark was still around, he could build him some new legs, like he did for rhodey, but no, tony stark died saving the world and sam was stuck in this wheelchair.

bucky is gentle as he lifts sam out of the chair and helps him get comfortable on the couch. "you want lunch?" bucky asks as he heads into the kitchen and pours himself a glass of orange juice. sam mumbles a small no, and he sounds so helpless it makes bucky's heart ache.

and then they spend the rest of the day snuggled up on the couch, flicking through the tv channels aimlessly, simply enjoying each other's company. at one point, they reach the news channel and a story about sam's 'accident' just happens to be being aired. sam can barely bring himself to listen to what they have to say. he's ready to hear the news presenters taunt him for being weak, to hear members of the public compare him to steve again and again. bucky promptly changes over the channel.

“i invited rhodey for dinner, i thought you could do with, you know, talking to someone who can empathise with you," bucky says, and its awkward and he hates it.

sam simply nods, looking anywhere but his boyfriend. there's a sense of unnerve in the room and its so overwhelming that sam starts to cry.

"hey, hey, its alright," bucky soothes him, stroking his cheek to wipe away the warm tears dancing down his face. sam nuzzles into the touch.

bucky presses a soft kiss against sam's lips, and the two men sit for a while with their foreheads touching, not daring to say a word.

"please, never leave me," sam begins, his voice shaking. bucky winces, rubbing circles on sam's upper arm with his finger.

"sammy, i would never-"

"i mean it, when things get hard, when things get bad, and you and i both know they will, even when i'm the biggest burden on your life and you can't stand to even look at me, don't leave. i know i usually do the selfless thing and put you before me, maybe say you're allowed to drop me if i get too much, but for once, i am begging you, please never leave me, because i love you so inhumanely much that losing you is worse than any mission gone wrong, any life changing injury. i need you to stay with me, or i won't be able to go on. the future is so uncertain for me, so fragile and unsure, i need to know one thing for certain. do you promise i'll always have you?"

bucky lets sam's words linger in the air for a moment or two, presses a gentle kiss on the man's nose and then pulls him close to his chest.

"samuel thomas wilson, i swear to you now that i will love you forever. no matter what happens,  no matter how hard things become, i'm here now, i'll be here then. i'll love you forever, and that is the one thing i can promise you. you've helped me so much through these years, you've changed my life in so many amazing ways, its time for me to return the favour and look after you. falcon, captain america, i don't care who you are to them. to me, you're sam wilson, you're my boyfriend and you're the best thing that ever happened to me. is that okay?"

sam takes a sharp intake of breath, closes his eyes and melts into his boyfriend's touch. he has so many more things he could say, so many ways he can beg for bucky's affections, but he doesn't need to beg. because bucky is his, and he is bucky's and everything works better that way. and so he settles on three words, three little words that are thrown around so often in life, but right now those three words are so perfect, so fitting and above all, so, so true. and as they pass his lips, nothing feels more right.

 

"i love you."


End file.
